When receiving feedback that might strike you as offensive, what is the question you can ask yourself to keep you from being defensive?

When receiving feedback that might strike you as offensive, what is the question you can ask yourself to keep you from being defensive?

• A. Why did I ask for this?
• B. What can I learn?
• C. Are they still talking?
• D. What's in this for them?

Answer: (B)

When feedback feels offensive, the main idea is to stay open and look for what you can learn from it. Asking “What can I learn?” shifts your mindset from defending yourself to extracting actionable insights. It invites you to notice specifics about your behavior or communication, understand the impact, and identify concrete changes you can make next time. This keeps you engaged, reduces knee-jerk defensiveness, and helps preserve the relationship while you improve. For example, if someone says your response came across as dismissive, asking what you can learn might reveal that you cut them off or used a tone that shut down the other person. With that awareness, you can choose to pause before replying, listen more, and respond more calmly in the future. The other options tend to focus on motives, control, or self-justification rather than on learning and applying a concrete improvement.

When feedback feels offensive, the main idea is to stay open and look for what you can learn from it. Asking “What can I learn?” shifts your mindset from defending yourself to extracting actionable insights. It invites you to notice specifics about your behavior or communication, understand the impact, and identify concrete changes you can make next time. This keeps you engaged, reduces knee-jerk defensiveness, and helps preserve the relationship while you improve.

For example, if someone says your response came across as dismissive, asking what you can learn might reveal that you cut them off or used a tone that shut down the other person. With that awareness, you can choose to pause before replying, listen more, and respond more calmly in the future.

The other options tend to focus on motives, control, or self-justification rather than on learning and applying a concrete improvement.